ANSWER: Appropriate synonyms for "said"

[moon-raven2.livejournal.com]

west_side asks, "What synonyms for said should and should not be used as dialogue tags?"



I love this question, and I'll get to the more direct answer in a moment, but first a caveat:

Be careful with your dialogue tags! Yes, it gets exciting throwing in exclaimed, whispered, cried, or hissed, but overall your writing will look cleaner and will have better flow if you just stick with simple, straight-forward said. Think I'm crazy? Ask Elmore Leonard. Writing should be about showing, not telling, and your reader should understand from context if someone is shouting or whispering or exclaiming.

Having said that, and as someone who has trouble sticking to said herself, let's go over a few basic guidelines for good—and bad—synonyms for that humblest of dialogue tags.

1. Make sure the synonym is an actual way of speaking—a "talking word"—and not an action.

GOOD:
"I win! That's four hands in a row," Mitchell crowed.
"I no longer wish to play, Colonel Mitchell," Teal'c grunted.

BAD:
"I win! That's four hands in a row," Mitchell grinned.
"I no longer wish to play, Colonel Mitchell," Teal'c glowered.

Do you see the difference? One can't say a grin or a glower: they're facial expressions, not talking words.

2. Don't get cocky, kid.

GOOD:
"Got 'im! I got 'im!" Luke cried.
"Great, kid! Don't get cocky," Han said over his shoulder.

BAD:
"Got 'im! I got 'im!" Luke bleated.
"Great, kid! Don't get cocky," Han proclaimed over his shoulder.

Keep it simple! You're not a walking thesaurus, and usually the first word that pops into your head (e.g., said) is the best choice. The second example sounds pretentious, and it could get old fast.

*2.5. With this in mind, some synonyms are better—and, perhaps, more necessary—than others. I'm thinking of cried, muttered, mumbled, whispered, and moaned, to name a few. I've provided a link to a much longer list at the end of this article, but use caution and wisdom, and remember rule #2.

3. Consider the context.

GOOD:
The sun was sinking below the hills, casting the Shire in long shadows and a mellow golden glow. "I envy you hobbits," Gandalf murmured around a puff of pipe smoke. "I would stay here always."
Bilbo chuckled and blew a smoke ring. "It gets boring after a time," he muttered almost to himself. "Sometimes one longs for a bit of adventure."

BAD:
The sun was sinking below the hills, casting the Shire in long shadows and a mellow golden glow. "I envy you hobbits," Gandalf announced around a puff of pipe smoke. "I would stay here always."
Bilbo chuckled and blew a smoke ring. "It gets boring after a time," he wailed. "Sometimes one longs for a bit of adventure."

Gandalf and Bilbo are having a quiet moment. They're smoking, watching the sunset, and enjoying their evening. The much gentler synonyms like murmured and muttered are far more appropriate than the louder, more melodramatic announced and wailed.

Let's look at another example:

GOOD:
It was complete chaos. They'd stepped through the Gate and right into an ambush. "We're under heavy fire, repeat heavy fire!" Carter barked into her radio. "We need backup now!"

BAD:
It was complete chaos. They'd stepped through the Gate and right into an ambush. "We're under heavy fire, repeat heavy fire!" Carter gasped into her radio. "We need backup now!"

While Carter might be gasping, she's certainly more likely to be giving loud, forceful orders into that radio than quietly breathing into it.

When choosing synonyms for said consider the specific situation, the speakers, and the general universe/fandom. Are military personnel in the SG1 universe likely to wail or moan when faced with a tough situation? Is Han Solo a whiner? Is Gollum more likely to hiss or to proclaim? Answer all of those questions before choosing a dialogue tag, and then be prepared to defend your choice—even if it's only to yourself!

4. Look for other ways to modify your dialogue.

Let's revamp our examples from rules #1 and 2 using rule #4:

A triumphant grin spread across Mitchell's face as he laid his cards on the table. "I win," he said. "That's four hands in a row!"
Teal'c was not amused. "I no longer wish to play, Colonel Mitchell."

As the Imperial fighter exploded, Luke couldn't contain his glee. "Got 'im! I got 'im!"
"Great, kid! Don't get cocky," Han said with a knowing smirk.

This rule goes back to my initial caveat. If you can find ways of expressing your speakers' emotions, tones, or states of mind without using a synonym of said, so much the better.

*4.5. Please, please don't use an adverb to modify your dialogue!

BAD:
"I love lembas," Sam said brightly.

WORSE:
"Orcses! We hates them," Gollum sobbed piteously.

WORST (Don't do this. But you know that from rule #1.):
"The ring is mine! My own," Frodo scowled vehemently.

Using an adverb to modify your dialogue—especially when using a synonym for said—isn't technically wrong, but it is a stylistic sin. Doubting me once more? Ask Elmore Leonard again. Or Stephen King.

NB: All of these same rules can be applied to questions, also. There's a question mark at the end of the sentence, so asked isn't strictly necessary; you can just stick with said. If you're more comfortable using a word like asked to tag your questions, then apply all the above rules when you start searching for synonyms: make sure it's a "talking word," don't get cocky (or pretentious), consider the context, and keep looking for other ways—besides adverbs!—to modify your dialogue.

To conclude, I'll quote Neil Gaiman:

Said's are invisible. They vanish onto the page. The eye barely sees them—they become one with the inverted commas that indicate that something is being said. … Lots of authors, when they start out, remember from school that you shouldn't repeat words too much, and are careful to replace each said with growled, uttered, yelped, hissed, exclaimed, asseverated, muttered, affirmed and so on, and cannot work out why people dismiss the writing as amateurish. Use them, but use them sparingly. It's like salt in a dish. Too much and it's all you taste.

Use your synonyms, but use them wisely. Oh, and here's the list I promised, in .pdf form.

Comments

[campylobacter.livejournal.com]

I went back into my in-progress novellette and analyzed my "said"-to-"synonym-for-said" ratio, and found that I more often used the synonyms when a group of people (5 members of SG-1) were having a discussion, but rarely used any dialog tags for conversations between 2 characters.

I so totally agree with Gaiman about "said's" being invisible.

I disagree about avoiding adverbs; they're powerful modifiers. When used carefully and sparingly, adverbs add humor, color or precision, depending on the context.

Oh lookie! I used 5 adverbs in this comment.

[szaleniec1000.livejournal.com]

I suppose you'd have more dialogue tags in general with a five-way conversation, so more impulse to vary things.

I can't resist

[seanchaidh.livejournal.com]

Use adverbs sparingly? :)

Excellent post, btw!

Re: I can't resist

[moon-raven2.livejournal.com]

Uh huh. To modify your dialog, smarty. :p

[szaleniec1000.livejournal.com]

This post is made of win. :)

1. Make sure the synonym is an actual way of speaking—a "talking word"—and not an action.

That really bugs me. Far too many writers (profic as well as fanfic) don't seem to realise that you can't smile a sentence. I read one fic where someone jumped a line of dialogue.

"Great, kid! Don't get cocky," Han proclaimed over his shoulder.

I don't think I've ever seen a use of "proclaimed" in fanfic that actually justified it. It doesn't help that it always makes me think of these guys. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Proclaimers)

3. Consider the context.

Related to this, make sure it's physically possible:
"No!" he gasped. Clichéd as all hell, but acceptable.
"Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of hell, barbarian", gasped the first soldier. Probably not, as the MST pointed out.

[china_shop]

I think using adverbs with "said" is okay if it's not overdone, but I prefer adverbs that describe the way of speaking ("she said slowly", "she said flatly", "he said softly") to adverbs that describe the speaker's mental state. Also, one of the characters in my fandom uses a lot of low-key humour, and you can't always tell from the context that he's joking, so I do use "he said drily" from time to time.

But yeah, most synonyms for "said" and speech adverbs are just explicitly stating whatever the dialogue implies: "'No, I won't do it!' she protested determinedly" or "'Yes, that's a great idea,' he agreed enthusiastically." You lose nothing but redundancy by changing both of those speech tags to "he said" or "she said".

[campylobacter.livejournal.com]

"Rule 4.5 is absolutely the best writing advice ever," I said sarcastically.

[china_shop]

Well, I do think adverbs are often over-used, and in the worst case, they give a kind of bad!fic feel to a piece of writing, so it seems like a good thing to keep in mind. But maybe more as a guideline.

[moon-raven2.livejournal.com]

Yep. That's why it's 4.5 rather than 5. :)

[china_shop]

Good point! This is a great post, btw, and I'm enjoying the discussion it's provoked too.

[campylobacter.livejournal.com]

Adverbs are abused by beginning (or inept) writers, but when used with care, they transform a sentence.

It's their rarity that gives them impact; piled gratuitously onto adjectives and verbs, they either have a comic or tedious effect.

[moon-raven2.livejournal.com]

Just to clarify, I'm not talking about all adverbs ever anywhere. I'm talking about shoving an adverb at the end of practically every bit of dialogue. When dialogue is in context, adverbs generally aren't necessary. As I say in the comment below, you shouldn't have to *tell* your audience that so-and-so is saying something "angrily" or "happily" or "sadly." It should come through in the context of the conversation. Hence the rule it falls under: look for other ways to modify your dialogue.

But everyone's opinion is different, and that's why it's 4.5, not 5--it's a guideline, not a hard-and-fast rule.

[lolmac]

Thank you for this. I grind my teeth at Elmore Leonard even more than I do at Strunk and White (aka Stunk and Blight*). Leonard will teach you to write like Leonard, or rather browbeat you into embracing his limitations as gospel; I remain unconvinced that this is a desirable goal. I'd rather write like Ursula LeGuin -- actually, no. I'd rather take inspiration from LeGuin and write like myself.

*For a lovely bracing romp, try Spunk and Bite instead.

[campylobacter.livejournal.com]

OMG you're only the 2nd person I know who doesn't put Strunk & White on a pedestal! I have a few issues with ELEMENTS OF STYLE. For the most part, their advice is solid -- especially for journalism -- but for creative writing, too narrow-minded.

Also not a fan of Elmore Leonard; he's terse at best, and bland at worst.

LeGuin is SUBLIME. Clear, elegant, insightful writing springs from a profound & wise intellect. She's one of my favorite writers! I think you & I may be brain twins.

I'm bookmarking Spunk & Bite (http://www.spunkandbite.com/) to read in the morning. Thanks! :D

[starry-diadem.livejournal.com]

Totally agree with 4. I rarely use any sort of speech verb now when I'm writing - they're mostly action tags instead.

[musyc]

I love you a little bit for rule #1. I weep internally every time I see someone use an action verb as a dialogue tag.

[semisweetsoul.livejournal.com]

It's kind of funny that in French, good writing means doing the exact contrary!

[forestgreen.livejournal.com]

Awesome post! Thank you. I'll have to tag this to be able to come back to it whenever I feel like it. I like adverbs. I know they are terrible and bad, but I like them. I usually have to do a search for "ly" after I'm done with the first draft and kill them all ruthlessly, heh.

[moon-raven2.livejournal.com]

I'm actually the same way. It's taken me a while, but I've gotten a lot better at not using them. It's not about "adverbs are evil!!" but more about finding ways besides just tacking on an adverb to the end of your tag. Using an adverb is telling, not showing; it's always better to show.

Having said that, I see Stephen King and Neil Gaiman occasionally tack an adverb on at the end of a dialogue tag, and they're two of the biggest NO ADVERBS guys out there. Looking for adverb-alternatives can be a struggle, but it makes you a better, more thoughtful writer (even if you decide to just stick with the adverb after all)--and isn't that the point? :)

[lmichelle599.livejournal.com]

I don't get crazy with the adverbs, but do like to find alternatives to said.

Thanks!

[west-side.livejournal.com]

There are plenty of essays on how, but not nearly enough focusing on why things work the way they do. Many writers have a gut feeling about what works and what doesn't, which is wonderful. However, it doesn't trump "YMMW, but I luv adverbs" line, since both come from intuition.