Answer: Adding "Out" After a Vocalization

[http://users.livejournal.com/traycer_/]

starwatcher307 asked: Is it correct to add "out" after a vocalization? (i.e. "he hissed out", "he gasped out", etc.)

With examples from Harry Potter.


Eliminating Unnecessary Words

Using the word "out" after a vocalization is not correct simply because it happens to be a redundancy, or words in a phrase that expresses the same thing. Why say more when you can say less?

The Oxford Companion to the English Language defines redundancy as more of anything than is (strictly) needed, usually resulting from repetition or duplication. In other words, repetition is never a good thing, especially when it occurs within a single sentence. Let's look at an example:

Harry nearly stumbled as he ran through the Forbidden Forest, his breath frosting in the air. "I think we've lost them," he gasped out.

In the above example, the word out is useless. It just adds clutter to the sentence because we get the exact same meaning with the word, "gasped". Try reading the above without the word out.

Harry nearly stumbled as he ran through the Forbidden Forest, his breath frosting in the air. "I think we've lost them," he gasped.

This sounds much more dramatic, doesn't it? The writing is concise and is not dragged down by extra baggage. We, as readers, don't need to be told twice that Harry gasped the words. We got it the first time.

William Strunk put a finer point on this when he wrote about sentence structure in his book, "Elements of Style":

"A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts."
- From "Elements of Style" - http://www.bartleby.com/141/strunk5.html#13

To reiterate, using out when expressing how a person speaks adds more words to the story than are necessary and should never be included in the dialogue tag.


For more information on dialogue, see this excellent post written by lady_ganesh.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/traycer_/]

Hee!! I loved the vision of Draco being dragged off by men in white coats! :)

I confess that I have very little knowledge of constructing poetry, so you may be right in that respect. I don't know…

As for how a character speaks, it's very true that they may say it wrong based on their upbringing and circumstances. And it's so easy to insert the extra words into the character's dialogue because of our own use of language. In fact, I have to be very careful when editing my own work to make sure I find all the references to "just", and delete more than half of them while I'm at it. I just have this habit of using that word all the time. :)

No matter if the character says it or not within the dialogue, redundancy should not be used after a vocalization, or in a dialogue tag, as the question was posed (at least how I interpreted it).