Answer: Adding "Out" After a Vocalization

[http://users.livejournal.com/traycer_/]

starwatcher307 asked: Is it correct to add "out" after a vocalization? (i.e. "he hissed out", "he gasped out", etc.)

With examples from Harry Potter.


Eliminating Unnecessary Words

Using the word "out" after a vocalization is not correct simply because it happens to be a redundancy, or words in a phrase that expresses the same thing. Why say more when you can say less?

The Oxford Companion to the English Language defines redundancy as more of anything than is (strictly) needed, usually resulting from repetition or duplication. In other words, repetition is never a good thing, especially when it occurs within a single sentence. Let's look at an example:

Harry nearly stumbled as he ran through the Forbidden Forest, his breath frosting in the air. "I think we've lost them," he gasped out.

In the above example, the word out is useless. It just adds clutter to the sentence because we get the exact same meaning with the word, "gasped". Try reading the above without the word out.

Harry nearly stumbled as he ran through the Forbidden Forest, his breath frosting in the air. "I think we've lost them," he gasped.

This sounds much more dramatic, doesn't it? The writing is concise and is not dragged down by extra baggage. We, as readers, don't need to be told twice that Harry gasped the words. We got it the first time.

William Strunk put a finer point on this when he wrote about sentence structure in his book, "Elements of Style":

"A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts."
- From "Elements of Style" - http://www.bartleby.com/141/strunk5.html#13

To reiterate, using out when expressing how a person speaks adds more words to the story than are necessary and should never be included in the dialogue tag.


For more information on dialogue, see this excellent post written by lady_ganesh.

Comments

[pathology-doc.livejournal.com]

The converse of this would seem to be: "If you need the word to preserve rhyme and meter in a song, poem or ballad, go for it."

Alternatively, it seems to me that having a character say it would at least lay the blame for the extra word at the character's door. After all, we know that how we speak is (generally) not how we write. e.g.:

"I shall pursue you to the ends of the earth!" Draco said to Harry as wizards in white coats dragged him through the Great Hall and away to St Mungo's. "I shall scream out your name and my lusts for you on every street corner from here to Durmstrang!"

[sid]

Would 'cried out' be an exception? Since 'cried' on its own could be taken to mean 'sobbed', which would be the wrong interpretation.

[lady-lirenel.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking the added 'out' is a remnant from the Anglo-Saxon where there was a slight difference between 'sendan' and 'onsenden'. They added the prefix in order to make a slight change in meaning. I think we tend to add words to give a slight difference in meaning as well, we just don't add them as prefices.

Or I could be completely wrong. Not quite awake yet.

[lmichelle599.livejournal.com]

Love your icon. So fuckin' cool.