Answer: Adding "Out" After a Vocalization

[http://users.livejournal.com/traycer_/]

starwatcher307 asked: Is it correct to add "out" after a vocalization? (i.e. "he hissed out", "he gasped out", etc.)

With examples from Harry Potter.


Eliminating Unnecessary Words

Using the word "out" after a vocalization is not correct simply because it happens to be a redundancy, or words in a phrase that expresses the same thing. Why say more when you can say less?

The Oxford Companion to the English Language defines redundancy as more of anything than is (strictly) needed, usually resulting from repetition or duplication. In other words, repetition is never a good thing, especially when it occurs within a single sentence. Let's look at an example:

Harry nearly stumbled as he ran through the Forbidden Forest, his breath frosting in the air. "I think we've lost them," he gasped out.

In the above example, the word out is useless. It just adds clutter to the sentence because we get the exact same meaning with the word, "gasped". Try reading the above without the word out.

Harry nearly stumbled as he ran through the Forbidden Forest, his breath frosting in the air. "I think we've lost them," he gasped.

This sounds much more dramatic, doesn't it? The writing is concise and is not dragged down by extra baggage. We, as readers, don't need to be told twice that Harry gasped the words. We got it the first time.

William Strunk put a finer point on this when he wrote about sentence structure in his book, "Elements of Style":

"A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts."
- From "Elements of Style" - http://www.bartleby.com/141/strunk5.html#13

To reiterate, using out when expressing how a person speaks adds more words to the story than are necessary and should never be included in the dialogue tag.


For more information on dialogue, see this excellent post written by lady_ganesh.

Comments

[starwatcher]

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because you could use the word 'yelled' and get the same result.

True. But for me, there's also a rhythm and 'flavor' of chosen words -- sometimes one fits where the thesaurus-equivalent doesn't. Totally subjective, but it works for me.

Hee! I don't follow baseball, so didn't know about 'ground out'. But as for 'forced out' -- if we're trying to convey a manner of speaking, I don't see why it couldn't be valid in certain limited circumstances.
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[http://users.livejournal.com/traycer_/]

You could certainly use whatever words you wanted to. It's your story after all. It won't be grammatically correct, but nothing is stopping you from going with the words you want. Most people do that anyway. :)

The same goes for using 'forced out'. If you want to use it, go for it! But vocalization is dependent upon sound, and 'forced out' is not a sound, no matter how you look at it. Granted, it describes how sound is propelled, but it does not describe the actual sound itself. Check out this link to learn more about vocalization, and the words you can use to describe it. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Vocalization

People don't 'force out' ideas and words, they say, ask or think them.

[starwatcher]

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People don't 'force out' ideas and words,

I respectfully disagree. 'Force' implies working against a physical or psychological stress. When I read that the character 'forced out' an utterance, I can hear the strain in their voice. But it doesn't often appear; most of our characters aren't in such dire straits.

Thanks for the link; it's a nice resource.
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